It is now Friday the 14th of September, 2001. The world has had 3 days to digest and discuss with each other the events of Tuesday. I started my own discussion when I posted "... and let it begin with me." and emailed it to many people that I knew. The response I received shocked and saddened me, but as well provoked me to continue thinking.

I want to start with a clarification: I realize it's not fighting that I'm against -- it's violence that I'm against. It's violence that I'm tired of.

Violence and fighting are two different things. Unfortunately they often come hand-in-hand, however they are not the same thing. I'm all for fighting; in fact, in an oxymoronic way my little quest for peace is a fight for peace. There are likely some people in this nation and world that don't want to fight at all, but from the looks of things the vast majority of people in this nation and throughout the world wish to fight. Furthermore, it appears that we all want fairly similar ends: end of terror, end of fear, ending the root of it all. What seems to be the big point of disagreement is the means to those ends. I hear a lot of people advocating violent means, I hear some people advocating peaceful means, and most of the voices I hear aren't quite sure.

Prior to these events, there were still gang shootings, husbands and wives being beaten by their spouses, pissed off people "going postal", Columbine, and the list can go on; heck, we get upset at the level of violent content in movies, television shows, and even cartoons! Our nation's response to those things has demonstrated a citizenry that wishes to fight to stop such things, but that also longs for no more violence. How do Tuesday's events change that? And when this is all over, will we all be back to business as usual, killing each other in our own backyards for what likely are petty reasons when compared to Tuesday? What happened to being a United State?

At this point, it doesn't change much for me. Violence is still violence, violence still begets violence, and the only way to stop violence is by being peaceful and someone breaking the cycle. Still, I must also acknowledge that violence has a place and purpose in the world, and although violence is last on my list of possible solutions to this problem, I have to admit that there's always a chance that it could be the right and/or only solution. Someone said "be careful what you ask for, you just may get it." I'm asking for peace, and I hope I do get it (and I don't just mean minimizing the number of bullets flying through the air, I mean true peace, starting with inner peace).

It's funny.... one thing that really affected me was what I did last night. I did last night what I've been doing every Thursday night for some time -- I sit down in front of the television and watch the World Wrestling Entertainment's (then "Federation") SmackDown! show; I needed to laugh, and we're all supposed to get on with our lives, right? The show is usually taped Tuesday nights for playback on Thursday, but of course that didn't happen. Instead, the WWF remained in Houston, Texas for a couple more days and put on a special live show last night.

The show was a very moving experience. 13,000 Houstonites came out of their homes, millions tuning in around the nation, and the WWF did their job and entertained us and helped us alleviate a little of the heavy so perhaps we could start to think a little clearer, and with not so much negativity. I know some readers are perhaps scoffing at the notion of the WWF and how that could be moving. Are you still so cynical, even now? Are those performers any less humans and patriots? Unless you saw the show, you just can't comment. Trust me, it was damn moving.

But the one thing that felt so strange about watching the show was watching the commercials. So we're just to get back on with our lives? Yeah, back to all this commercialism, consumerism, materialism, gotta catch 'em all, .com, gotta get rich no matter what, mo money, way that we US citizens live our lives. Is that the life that we're supposed to get back on with? I don't know, but it sure doesn't feel right. There's all this talk about never forgetting, always remembering; but in a year, will people still remember? Will behaviors be changed? People have been giving blood all week... will they still be giving blood in a year? in 5 years? in 20? Will people truly not forget? Or once this situation is out of sight, will it be out of mind and we'll just fall back into the same comfortable shoes that got us where we presently are? I don't know... getting back to the same old business just isn't the same, and I hope some greater good will come of that.

And then, what measures will be put in place to try to make us not forget? Will corporations do anything to change their behaviors? Will the Federal Government pass laws all in the name of keeping us safe, but in the end only further restrict our liberties that we're supposed to be holding so dear and fighting for? I'm proud to be a US citizen. I love my country, the people within it, the ideals it was founded upon. I'm realizing what I don't like (and haven't liked since well before Tuesday morning) is how our Federal Government is being run, and what our "leaders" may do about this. And it's not just what they'll do in response to these events, but what has been done in the past that's lead up to these events, and what they'll do in the future.

We've been doing a lot of reflection the past few days, and I hope this reflection upon ourselves, our countrymen, our government, our humanity continues for a long long time. I hope there is work done to truly better ourselves and truly solve the problems that Tuesday's tragedy is merely a symptom of. And still, it begins with me, looking in the mirror.

There's one other thing that I realized out of this (thanx, Vince), and I'm not proud to admit it but I'm glad I am -- I am afraid. I look back over the past six years of my life and various things have happened that have made me live in fear, and I didn't realize it. From my wife being sexually assaulted, to having kids, being the head of my own household, and so many other little things (e.g. what moron is going to cut me off in traffic and then blow my head off to boot)... well, I've been living in a lot of fear. I don't like that, I'm not happy about it, but I hope I'm admitting it clearly to myself and will now work to do something about it.

Still, that personal resolution doesn't change the fact that I'm still afraid. But I'm not afraid of more terrorism (well, I am, but go with me). :-) I'm presently afraid of how our Federal Government is going to respond (which could lead to further terrorist attacks and terror in general), of how individual citizens may lash out, and how the cycle of these events could just keep going. I'm afraid it won't end, and that in the end no one will really get what they truly want. I know you can have win-win situations, but they're hard to find and most people give up too quickly. I pray our nation's leaders won't look for and then act upon the quick, easy answer.

By the way, I do know that defending our nation is the job of the Federal Government. But that's one of the few jobs it actually has. I'm happy that our Federal Government is finally doing what it's supposed to do, and I hope when all this is said and done the Federal Government continues to do solely the job it's supposed to do. If you don't know what I mean, read the US Constitution; then, look at everything the Federal Government does that didn't make the short list.

Here are a few links you should take time to visit. Read what they have to say, and follow the links present from those pages as well. Whether you like what these pages have to say or not, have that open mind that you probably claim to have and go and read them and honestly consider what they have to say (to me, "opening my mind" means that I say "Oh, I didn't realize that..." a lot... a lot.) At a time like this, I believe you owe it to yourself to read them. One interesting thing to note about some of these articles and the articles they link to is the date they were written: many were written BEFORE Tuesday.

• The Charters of Freedom (i.e. The Declaration of Independence, The US Constitution, and The Bill of Rights)
• Libertarian Responses and Actions to Terrorism
• When Will We Learn? by Harry Browne
• Reducing the Risk of Terrorism

I'm fond of saying that the more I learn, I realize how little I truly know. I don't know the answers, and if you look above you'll see all I have are more questions. I love my country, I love the people in it, and I will fight for my country and the things I believe in. I don't care much for how my Federal Government is being run, but I'll continue fighting to reform it. I also know I've got a lot more growing and soul searching to do.

Still, if I'm going to be remembered, I want to be remembered for being a peaceful man, not a violent one.